3, 37 and 0: Ordinary Alone, Magical in the Land of Knicks

"Stretch Me Good. It Gets Mad Tight on That Bench!"
(cash register rings in background)

Tuesday evening, as LeBron and the Cavs humiliated NY in a circus-like atmosphere at the Garden, I thought not of the money the Knicks have cleared or could eventually offer LeBron James in 2010. Instead, I was mesmerized by a small and informal calculation I'd bounced around out of boredom while staring at the Knicks bench. Actually, it was more a like small series of figures: 3, 37, 0. Seemingly benign numbers. Harmless, really. No real rhyme or reason to them, right? Au contraire, mon fraire.

These seemingly innocuous little digits have quite the significance in the land of the Knicks - where the absurd is not only attainable, but in overflowing abundance.

EXHIBIT 1

Name: Jerome Keith James
Nickname: Pimp O' the Bench
Most Notable Accomplishment as Knick: Logging a total of five minutes during the 07-08 campaign and nailing all of his shots including one field goal and 2-for-2 from the charity stripe.
2008-09 Salary: $6,020,000
Total 2008-09 Minutes Logged: 0

EXHIBIT 2

Name: Eddy Curry, Jr.
Nickname: Med Ball Killa
Most Notable Accomplishment as Knick: Seeming to grow exponentially with each passing day
2008-09 Salary: $9,723,983
Total 2008-09 Minutes Logged: 0

EXHIBIT 3

Name: Stephon Xavier Marbury
Nickname: Starbury
Most Notable Accomplishment as Knick: A virtual dead-heat between leaving the team last year in Phoenix (rumored), refusing to play earlier this season (rumored) or banging an intern in the back of his truck (fact).
2008-09 Salary: $20,840,625
Total 2008-08 Minutes Logged: 0

So, this is where all that fun math stuff comes in. Remember 3, 37 and 0? Starting to come into focus? OK, let's walk through it step-by-step just in case.

3 This equals the number of players in our fun-filled equation. Specifically, Mr. James, Mr. Curry and Mr. Starbury.

37 Sure, it's only $36,584,460 but we rounded up. It's just more fun that way. What's that? 37 what? Ahh, yes, that would be 37 million dollars. The combined amount of money going to these three players for their contributions over the course of the 2008-09 NBA season. Speaking of contributions...

0 As in zero-f-in minutes combined...between the 3...those same three who are being paid approximately 37M!

Part of me feels like shouting these numbers over and over from the rooftops in the hope that some sane human being could possibly explain them to me. But, alas, I already know everything there is to know about this fine franchise. Perhaps Donnie is going to help turn it around. For now, I shall simply look down at the bench on occasion and drink in the sheer madness of it all.