Attack of the Gingers: Athletes Afflicted with Gingervitis
Friday, April 4, 2008
Rise up and Follow Me Ginger PeopleThey are a rare breed. Those of the "red hair, light skin and freckles." We are, of course, referring to Gingers. In recent years, this affliction has more commonly become known as Gingervitis. For those less familiar with the condition, one of the leading authorities in the field, Colorado professor Eric Cartman, provides a quick refresher:
And while instances of this disease are extremely uncommon, one particular strand is even more obscure: the chromosome that produces a now endangered species that is bordering on extinction. Yes, we speak of the Ginger Athlete.
And while instances of this disease are extremely uncommon, one particular strand is even more obscure: the chromosome that produces a now endangered species that is bordering on extinction. Yes, we speak of the Ginger Athlete.
One has to search far and wide to uncover photographic evidence of the Ginger Athlete. Like so many who fall prey to the disease, many Ginger Athletes seek to cover up their inherent gingerness so as to somehow shield themselves from the likely taunts and ridicule they face each day.
Despite the challenge, our research team tirelessly searched our extensive archives (namely, our brains) to reveal some of our favorite Ginger Athletes and sports figures.
The Seven-Foot Ginger, Robert Swift
You may not have ever heard of Robert Swift, but once you've seen him on the court you surely can't forget. His ginger is strong. Quite strong.
The Hippie Ginger, Bill Walton
"I loved the ginger! The flowing locks...it was un-be-lievable...the color...it was beau-ti-ful..." Can't we just all love one another regardless of hair color? It's like we're all one people, man.
The Redneck Ginger
His famous father? Those memorable Wrangler Jeans ads? His new Hendrick Motorsports deal? None of it compares to the biggest story around Dale, Jr. His status as perhaps the greatest ginger NASCAR driver of all-time.
Coach Ginger, Pete Gillen
With a career 274-128 record, Pete Gillen was a pretty damn good college coach who was last seen at Virginia in 2005. Since then, the diminutive ginger-man has been one of the few red-haired presences in sports broadcasting, doing color for CSTV and generally bemoaning how he ended up where he did." Listen, Pete. No one in this congregation cares to hear about how depressing your life is."
Juiced Ginger, Mark McGwire
He was the shining beacon for gingers around the globe...selfish bastard.
The Chosen Ginger, Jason Garrett
Without a doubt, Jerry Jones's favorite ginger and heir to the Cowboys throne.
The Scary Irish Wrast-ler Ginger, Seamus O'Shaunessy
Because...well, because when are we going to have another opportunity to include a red-headed Irish wrestler in a post here at The Legend. That's right, probably never.
The X-treme Ginger, Shaun White
White's 'do is like a 10 X-TREME!
The Hall of Fame Ginger? Bert Blyleven
The nasty curveballer is currently the only 3,000 career strikeout pitcher not in the Hall. We honestly don't know all the ins-and-outs of Blyleven's candidacy, but it seems a player who made multiple All-Star games and was consistently one of the elite pitchers in the League and came close to the 300-win mark (287) at least deserves some serious consideration. Plus, he's ginger. How many gingers are in Cooperstown? When does the discrimination stop?
L'Grand Gingere, Rusty Staub
OK, so maybe he was more commonly known as l'grand orange. Regardless, Rusty was without a doubt my favorite chunky, out-of-shape, red-headed, pinch-hitting Mets player in the early 80s.
There are many other noteworthy gingers including Jim Courier, Boris Becker, Matt Bonner and ex-Ga Tech Yellow Jacket Luke Shensher to name only a few. We must honor these individuals. Because, despite the opinions of Professor Cartman, it's simply blatant ginger-ism to believe "ginger athletes have no souls" or "make us feel sick to our stomachs." And they certainly don't "creep us out," except for maybe Seamus...
Editor's Note: While this post took decades of research to compile, it could not have been accomplished without the help of Dirty Gingers and Red and Proud to whom we are forever indebted.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
22 comments:
You Forgot Big Ol Andy Reid, coach of the Iggles.
How could you not include the Ultimate Ginger, Tom O'Brien? The coach, bar none, you want to lead your team into any December 28 bowl game.
good stuff, anons. the ginger force is stronger than i was willing to acknowledge
What, no NHL Gingers? Brian Campbell (recently acquired by the Sharks) is uber-Ginger.
I'm sorry, this list is incomplete without Tom O'Brien.
how bout bobby kielty?
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/2005/03/23/gallery.zito/7zito.jpg
Someone owes Brian Scalabrine a huge apology.
Paul Scholes of Manchester United is nicknamed 'The Ginger Prince'
we gave our props to Veal Scalabrine
Where the hell's Delonte West, the only Black Ginger?
i am a redhead and you can all go to hell
Bitter Ginger, Anonymous.
The twin gingers known as the Sedins for the canucks
Paul Scholes is also called the "Ginger Ninja" for his goal scoring prowess.
I'll tell you why Delonte West isn't on the list. The very definition of being a "ginger" rules out Delonte West, you fool.
How can you not mention the even rarer affliction of Dennis Johnson of 80's Celtic fame?
matt bonner...
we did mention bonner in the close.
How about David Pendergraft from Gonzaga?
And the award for Ginger that most resembles a weiner and has the hottest playboy bunny wife: Jeff Garcia!
If Dennis Johnson is a ginger, Delonte West is a ginger, c0cksucker!
Don't forget about the great Rusty Greer of the Texas Rangers!
And Dale Jr. isn't a real redhead.
Carrot top! Chuck Norris you fools! Any other martial arts kickass types!
Post a Comment