A Toast To Bill Brasky, err, Tiger Woods
Monday, March 24, 2008
Labels:
Bill Brasky,
Tiger Woods
Tiger's five PGA tournament winning streak ended this morning when he finished 5th, 2 strokes away from Geoff Ogilvy's winning -17 at the CA Championship. I was shocked that Tiger lost (even going into today 5 down and only half a round to catch Ogilvey). Not only had Tiger won 5 straight PGA events, if you add in the non-PGA events he'd won 7 straight, and 9 out of 10 overall. Since last summer's British Open where Woods finished 12th, Tiger's PGA finishes have been 1st, 1st, 2nd, 1st, 1st, 1st, 1st, 1st, 5th. Damn. Those tournaments had from 64 up to 153 golfers in them. Tiger has beaten the crap out of a lot of golfers on the links lately.
The guy is just too fricking dominant to compare to any other athlete. Maybe too dominant to compare to any other person. Except...... Bill Brasky. You know, big fella, goes about 7'-6," 800 lbs. The best salesman in the whole damned company. Here's to Tiger Woods, "he's a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi." Did you know this about Tiger/Brasky?:
- We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
- Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky's groin
- He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
- Brasky named the group ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that.
- He thinks the Iron Man is gay
- They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
- He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!
- He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!
- He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!"
- Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!
Cheers Tiger/Brasky. I hear you're a real son of a bitch, but damn if I don't respect you. There are more Brasky quotes here. Need more? And Lefty is supposed to match up against this?
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2 comments:
Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
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