Zumaya Tears Rotator Cuff Tying Shoe: Tigers Offer Restricted Activities List

Editor's Note (6:56 p.m.): It appears this might be a bit more legit according to MLive who says "a 50-pound box fell on his shoulder."

The title of this post is in jest, but betting on such a headline to become reality is not a bad play considering "breaking news."

My brother-in-law is a huge Tigers fan. I weep for him today. For those of you who haven't heard , Detroit fireballer Joel Zumaya underwent shoulder surgery on Wednesday and will be out until at least midseason of the 2008 campaign.

So what drove the 6'3, 210-pound power pitcher to the shelf? "moving personal items during the California wildfires." Frankly, the insertion of "California Wildfires" into the statement is actually a little humorous. As if tying the action to a tragedy will deflect people's attention so much as to not think that Zumaya threw out his arm moving a broom.

Now, freak accidents certainly happen, but said brother-in-law also reminded this New York Mets fan that Zumaya appears to have a penchant for this stuff having missed three games of the 2006 ALCS on account of tendinitis suffered from playing Playstation 2 video game "Guitar Hero."

We're not saying the Tigers need to do anything rash and talk contract stipulations (plus, there's nothing worse than recycled creative)...but maybe some unofficial suggestions to his agent. For example, given his propensity for injury Zumaya may want to refrain from potentially dangerous activities including:

- Lifting forks with large food items such as meatballs

- Yawning coupled with a stretching out of one's arms

- All commonly accepted physical forms of greeting including, but not limited to, waving, shaking hands and giving or receiving high-fives

- Opening, closing or holding of doors

- Gestures regulary associated with driving including flipping on windshield wipers or turn signals, adjusting radio dial, adjusting rearview mirror and turning steering wheel

- Thumb wars, the "hand slap" game and rock-paper-scissors

- Dialing, holding, picking up or putting down a telephone

- Typing and maneuvering a mouse in relation to computer usage

- Abrupt and/or unconventional remote control usage