The In-Lieu-of-the-Heisman Awards
We’re done prognosticating about the Heisman Trophy. Daniel, Dixon, McFadden, Tebow…you can make an argument for almost anyone (a lesson we’ve already taught ourselves). But, at the end of the day, we’ve decided we really don’t care…at all. However, we can see how that little stiff-arming-bronze-statue guy could be appealing to a top college player whose name is still appearing on a lot of those lists.
And we can also see how not winning the trophy at this point could be sad. Heck, it even might hurt someone’s feelings . We all know that criticism and anything that could be construed as anything but warm and fuzzy is SO not cool these days. Plus, all of these guys are pretty good players. So, we think we’ve found a way to avoid this unpleasantness. The solution? More awards.
Remember those old elementary school post-season banquets or pizza parties for your Little League baseball or Pop Warner football teams? You know the ones where everybody got a trophy for being the best at something? Johnny gets the award for Best Cheerleader! Billy wins for Best Slide! Bobby gets a medal for All-Star Water Boy! Joey gets the Fattest Sh%! award.
C’mon, you remember. It makes everybody feel like a big winner! So, why not do it for the leading candidates? It’s just the nice thing to do. A few suggestions, for honoring these fine athletes should they not bring home the Heisman hardware:
Tim Tebow
Should he not win the Heisman, may we suggest the award for…
Most Outstanding Christian
Most Outstanding Girlfriend Breasts (wow, that’s kind of a strange juxtaposition, huh?)
Most Outstanding Lefty (sorry, Pat White)
Darren McFadden
Should he not win the Heisman, may we suggest the award for…
Most Outstanding Pimped Out Crown Victoria
Most Outstanding Fred Flinstone Imitation
Most Outstanding Tailback/Quarterback/Receiver
Chase Daniel
Should he not win the Heisman, may we suggest the award for...
Most Outstanding Nosepicker
Dennis Dixon
Should he not win the Heisman, may we suggest the award for…
Most Outstanding Run with a Torn Knee Ligament
Most Outstanding Overall Impersonation of Vince Young
Pat White
Should he not win the Heisman, may we suggest the award for...
Most Outstanding Crush on a Commentator
Colt Brennan
Should be not win the Heisman, may we suggest the award for...
Most Outstanding Player in the History of Saddleback Community College
And, in honor of one of the ones we earlier campaigned for…
Todd Reesing for…
Most Outstanding Quarterback Under 5’10 (we actually don't think he's a centimeter over 5'8)
and…
Most Outstanding Quarterback to Wear a Neckband Since Jim McMahon
And…as more of a precursor for next year and John David Booty…in case he loses…he can take solace in...
Most Outstanding Heisman Campaign
We encourage you to add more nominations in the comments.
Labels:
Chase Daniel,
Darren McFadden,
Heisman Trophy,
Tim Tebow
5 comments:
Thank you for the link. I'm the guy that is psyched Tim Tebow is a Christian and soon to be the first sophomore Heisman Trophy winner. Not to mentions he's has 29 TD's in the air and 22 on the ground, against SEC defenses. All this as a sophomore! McFadden has 2 years of experience over Tebow and Tebow still has better numbers and a better record. Oh yeah, and he's Christian. Amen, Brother.
no problem.
Ya, cause he's the first good player ever to be a Christian. What a breakthrough for people of faith everywhere. BTW, McFadden has only 1 more year of experience than Tebow, not 2. Not that it matters since he's a running back, a position where you either have it or you don't. He has even less help than Tebow does, and for him to do what he did at LSU last week was superhuman. As for that "against SEC defenses" point, Tebow has 12 passing TDS and 6 Rushing TDS against his 4 non SEC opponents. I mean, he's a great player and all, but he's not head and shoulders above McFadden.
Yeah, so Dixon has a bum leg; but that doesn't mean that he can't still win the Davey O'Brien award. I sure would like to see him win it.
Steve, I am being totally sarcastic about the Christian thing. I'm just a big Florida fan so naturally I'm biased. You are right though they are great players and Mcfadden doesn't touch the ball every play. But they did about the same at their respective positions. Mcfadden had just one more TD, which he picked up in OT. It'll be a close Heisman race.
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